M thought/the-constantly-collapsing-horizon.html → thought/the-constantly-collapsing-horizon.html

@@ -2,7 +2,6 @@ the constantly collapsing horizon
 2022-07-31
 
 
-      i looked at the horizon today, and i couldn't look away
 
 
 the world is losing a mother. a fighting spirit. a force for love and good. 
@@ -13,29 +12,33 @@ 
 i saw her the same day i saw a newborn baby.
 
 death and birth. her eyes fluttered open
-like his do. her eyes contained desperation and want. she's still strong
-and i wanted so badly to soothe her pain
-i wanted to reach into her soul and tear it out by the roots
+like his do. her eyes contained desperation and want. she's still strong.
+and i wanted so badly to soothe her pain.
+i wanted to reach into her soul and tear it out by the roots.
 to grasp the stem of her suffering and pull as hard as i can, up and out
 
-i want her to heal. i know she can't.
+i want her to heal. i know that she can't.
 
-                            she has a restless and eternal soul
+she has a restless and eternal soul,
+  it makes me believe in infinity
 
-    besides, she wouldn't let me.
 
+i saw today that ghosts are real, that little backyard stoops have wordless power.
+i saw a silent, enormous, torrential love.
 
+rice pudding is my favorite dessert
 
-i saw today that ghosts are real, that little backyard stoops have power
-beyond words. a silent, enormous, torrential love. i have so much for her.
 
-rice pudding is my favorite dessert
+
+
+
 
 and i did not love her as much as i wanted to.
-                      i don't know if i possibly could have
-     i will miss her forever and ever.
+                      i don't know if i possibly could have.
+                                    i will miss her forever and ever.
 
-i want so badly to see her again, laughing and smiling, and talking about my shoes
+i want so badly to see her again,
+laughing and smiling, and talking about my shoes
 
 
 
@@ -54,21 +57,29 @@ 
     the eternal horizon collapsed again. close to me. she was struck by a
       falling piece of it. and she didn't deserve it.
 
-i am so proud of how strong she is, and how strong her daughter is.
+      i looked at the horizon today, and i couldn't look away
+        it seared behind my eyes. i couldn't stop seeing it. i still do.
+
+i am so proud of how strong she is. i am proud of how strong her daughter is.
+
+          i am so, so proud of them.
+
+              it shouldn't have to be this way.
 
-i'm so, so proud of them.
 
 
-it shouldn't have to be this way.
 
 rest. i love you. i wish you eternal peace. you deserve it. we all love you
 so, so, so much. i'll take care of everything i can. i'll do my best. i'll
 always remember how you made me feel at home. you gave me so much faith.
 
+
+
+
 i love you i love you i love you
 
 
-i'll give you so many hugs when we're together again.
+i'll give you so many hugs when i see you again
 
 
-love jesse
+❤️ jesse