thought/the-constantly-collapsing-horizon.html
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the constantly collapsing horizon
2022-07-31
i looked at the horizon today, and i couldn't look away
the world is losing a mother. a fighting spirit. a force for love and good.
a life of pulling everything together, and making everyone feel like
they belonged. a life of doing so much. i hope she knows how to rest.
i saw her the same day i saw a newborn baby.
death and birth. her eyes fluttered open
like his do. her eyes contained desperation and want. she's still strong
and i wanted so badly to soothe her pain
i wanted to reach into her soul and tear it out by the roots
to grasp the stem of her suffering and pull as hard as i can, up and out
i want her to heal. i know she can't.
she has a restless and eternal soul
besides, she wouldn't let me.
i saw today that ghosts are real, that little backyard stoops have power
beyond words. a silent, enormous, torrential love. i have so much for her.
rice pudding is my favorite dessert
and i did not love her as much as i wanted to.
i don't know if i possibly could have
i will miss her forever and ever.
i want so badly to see her again, laughing and smiling, and talking about my shoes
my eyes blur when i look too closely
at the constantly collapsing horizon we all try our best
to ignore.
it has come for her. she's near the edge.
it reminds me to love openly and loudly.
i'll remember her long after she drifts up to the sky
and she will. she is so strong. stronger than i could ever be. i love her so dearly.
and i'll just. i will miss her so much.
the eternal horizon collapsed again. close to me. she was struck by a
falling piece of it. and she didn't deserve it.
i am so proud of how strong she is, and how strong her daughter is.
i'm so, so proud of them.
it shouldn't have to be this way.
rest. i love you. i wish you eternal peace. you deserve it. we all love you
so, so, so much. i'll take care of everything i can. i'll do my best. i'll
always remember how you made me feel at home. you gave me so much faith.
i love you i love you i love you
i'll give you so many hugs when we're together again.
love jesse